A year ago today…

I got up early on Sunday, August 24, 2008. My flight was at 7:55 a.m. and leaving from LAX is always stressful. People are everywhere, staff is impatient and I was more than a little nervous on this morning.

I took a shower and got dressed. Everyone was awake and milling around in the early morning. I’m sure, knowing me it was 5:30 a.m. I don’t like to be late. I remember looking back at my clean bedroom with a perfectly made bed for just a second before picking up Barkley and closing the door behind me. My sons, my daughter-in-law, my granddaughter and my dog all piled into the white minivan that would chauffeur me to the airport.

We were early and there was time for Starbucks. Mentally, I was thinking, “What did I forget?” In reflection, I can say this: I left things I really needed to bring and brought things that are totally useless here. When we arrived at the airport I was sure my baggage was overweight and I was stressing all the way through the line. I guess American Airlines had an arrangement with Peace Corps because they didn’t even flinch at the bulging bags that I handed over to them.

I was on my way to Miami. Saying goodbye to my family was so hard. I looked at my granddaughter who I had helped take care of since birth and wondered if she would remember me the next time I saw her. I held my dog that I had spent hours socializing and training in anticipation of leaving. I watched my sons and my daughter-in-law with tears and goodbyes. None of us were prepared for this.

I thought of my oldest son when John and I took him to the airport in 1998. He was headed for Peace Corps Honduras. That was no easier than this. As I left my family Jay was holding Barkley high in the air and everyone was waving goodbye. I kept looking back until I could no longer see them. When I got to the American Airlines waiting area I remembered waiting there with my son Jay (it was pre-911 so friends and family were allowed into the area). For the first time, I really knew how he felt that day.

On Wednesday morning I would travel to Saint Lucia, my home for the next two years. A year later, I still get teary-eyed when I think of that morning.

The last year has been amazing, frustrating, sad, happy, difficult and almost never easy; but it’s also been a year that has enabled me to grow as a person, to realize my strength and to take risks beyond what I thought I was capable of doing. It’s given me the knowledge that in the end, this was right for me. My life would not have been complete without it.

I have lived with complete strangers who became my friends. I have met new friends, both host country nationals and Peace Corps Volunteers. I have learned that I don’t need GPS to find my way. I have learned I can still budget and stay within the budget. This last year has given me reason to pause and nurture the sixties values that I developed and still hold dear.

I have been home once since leaving and plan to return one more time. My sons have been here and my sister visited as well. Is the experience what I thought it would be….no. I don’t know what I was thinking before I left – but I didn’t imagine this life. I don’t think anyone can imagine the highs and the lows unless they become a volunteer and experience it for themselves. It is an experience that bonds volunteers together because it is so unique.

As emotional and tearful as the parting was, I recently learned something I didn’t know. It seems that immediately after my family returned home, the Bose Home Theater and flat screen television in my bedroom was removed and placed in the hands of a new owner…humm, very curious. The goodbyes we said appeared sad when I left but this new discovery leaves me wondering – how sad was it? How is my system Jay?