Saturday, May 16, 2009

Change, a Six Letter Word

There is a lot of paperwork to submit when applying for a Peace Corps Volunteer. It takes time to process the paperwork. There are always more requests than there are volunteers. The Peace Corps matches volunteer expertise with organizational needs. The organizations want help. Some get what they asked for – at least the volunteer, but sometimes they don’t get the help they think they need. They may need to change their thinking.


There is a lot of paperwork required to join Peace Corps. A very large percentage of applicants give up, some are rejected and others were just exploring. It takes tenacity, patience and up to a year to get an invitation. After I signed the paperwork and left for my new country I realized the need to continue practicing tenacity and patience. I need to change my expectations.


You may wonder, “If Peace Corps has been in Saint Lucia since 1962, why are they still needed?” I sometimes wonder that too. But there is good reason. Change is slow. Change is frustrating. People don’t understand it or necessarily want to change. They want help, but many times they don’t know what “help” means. And Peace Corps Volunteers are adjusting to change too.


Then you may ask, “Why wouldn’t they want to change?” Okay, that’s just too complex to answer. It’s likely some of the same reasons why people in the United States, Europe, and anywhere else in the world don’t change. It’s likely the same reasons why it’s hard for me to change.


Yesterday was very frustrating. When I offered a different way to do something, I was told they needed to do it the way Saint Lucia does things. “Why?” I asked. The answer was more frustrating than the assertion that they needed to do it the Saint Lucian way. The answer is, “Because that’s the way we do it”. Wow! I realized at that moment that I needed to change in order to move them to change.


When the situation seems hopeless it becomes easier to look at things in a different manner. So why am I frustrated when people around me behave in a similar manner? Okay, I’m at the bottom. It’s totally hopeless. I’m going to do things different. To start, I'm taking the Alcoholic prayer a lot more seriously now: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Okay, I said it. I’m not feeling great yet, but maybe better.


Another volunteer from the group who arrived ahead of us called last night. He will be closing his service in about four months. I asked him if he was going to extend. He was quick with his answer, “No! I don’t feel like I’m making any difference. People don’t want to change”


As I responded to this, I thought of my own situation and listened to my words. “Change is difficult. We are here because it’s hard. Change is sometimes about timing. Don’t focus on the big picture of change; take the small successes you have and celebrate them. You have made a difference. It’s those small sustainable successes that add up.” As I listened to my words, I could hear how empty they sounded on the other end of the phone. We want to see breakthrough change, but truthfully, breakthrough change rarely happens. Change happens slowly in a series of small steps.


I’ve experienced a lot of emotions since arriving on this island. Today, I’m feeling hopeful and lucky to be here today, but it’s not always like that. As I reflect on my emotional roller coaster since August 2007 when I decided to apply for Peace Corps I have to smile.

  • I feel anxious. Am I going to get an invitation to serve?
  • I am having second thoughts. Oh no! They accepted me. Do I really want to go?
  • I am excited to leave.
  • I’m sad to leave.
  • I am having second thoughts. Am I doing the right thing?
  • I feel good about my decision. This is so right for me.
  • I love it here.
  • I hate it here.
  • It’s hard to live with a host family.
  • It’s good to live with a host family.
  • I am fearful. Can I really get on this bus and not get lost?
  • I feel exhilarated! I can get on the bus and get to a destination on my own.
  • I’m relieved. Training is over and my service begins now.
  • I’m settling in. I have my own place. I can live my way now.
  • I’m excited about the work.
  • I’m bored. I don’t have enough to do.
  • I’m aggressive in finding work.
  • I’m overwhelmed with work; some commitments should not have made; I need to undo some of them.
  • My primary assignment is fun.
  • My primary assignment is frustrating.
  • I hate my primary assignment.
  • I'm going to actively search for more secondary work.
  • I love my primary assignment.
  • I don't have enough time for more secondary work.
  • I’m frustrated. People don’t want to hear about other ways of doing things.
  • I celebrate small successes.
  • I love being here.
  • I hate being here.
  • Why am I here?
  • I can't imagine my life without doing Peace Corps.
  • I daydream about my life before Peace Corps.
  • I never want to leave this island. I am so happy.
  • I have island fever and need a vacation.
  • I hate this job.
  • I love this job.

I think they should change this six letter word, change, into one of the more descriptive four letter words I use to describe it! I say out loud "Egad, I love this job!". Sometimes I mean it while other times, I imagine myself wearing red sparkling shoes and clicking my heels three times.

7 comments:

Adventure Melaney! said...

Yeah, I'm running into that part where it seems impossible to get my project going because there's so little support from others, and everyone expects me to do all of it. Definitely frustrating, but I'm definitely glad I'm here.

Karen's Planet said...

Hi Melaney - thanks for your comment. I knew this post would resonate with some of my fellow PCVs but needed to hear that I'm not the only one. I don't normally post things like this, but this is the reality we are dealing with and needs to be said. What we are doing is hard!

Today I'm feeling very optimistic. I'm going to savor this day! And, yes, I'm glad I'm here too...even when it's hard.

loisandscotth.blogspot.com said...

Karen-
You expressed the ambivalence so well. Thank you!
Lois

JacobHafkin said...

Hey there! it was fun to read your blog and check out the similarities/differences between our experiences! As far as good time to visit I would say December or January. It actually dropped below 60 degrees. Needless to say I was COLD!!! When you come dont miss Caye Caulker, San Ignacio, Actun Tunichil Muknal Cave, the beachside chill spot of Hopkins, a trip to a Mayan village, the jungle boat ride and mayan ruin of Lamanai, Cockscomb Basin Jaguar Sanctuary, St Hermanns Blue Hole Natl Park (i could keep going!!! Belize is an outdoor paradise...minimize your time in cities/district towns and enjoy the environment. Have a great time!
Jacob

Sue said...

Your post kinda sounds what President Obama is going through.

Serenity prayer is good.

Sue

Unknown said...

Wow, I think your thoughts of how we started that progressed to where we are now really summed up not just yourself, but many of us as well.

Your expressions on change and our work here is not an easy one. Nor undertaking the idea of why we are here. At some moments the reasons are so well defined and the next we wonder if that clarity a moment ago was indeed clouded. Perhaps we will be our own harshest critics based upon our own cultural expectations. I know am fighting the same war many others here have experienced--how to contribute to positive change without becoming jaded along the way.

"Everything changes, nothing remains without change."--Buddha
Even though we are wondering about the work we do--change is happening and has been happening all along. Things here on these islands have been progressing and are picking up pace, especially in terms of cultural influences (not always good ones in my opinion either), education, and telecommunications.

Perhaps the best we'll be able to strive for is to be a positive part of that on-going change. Even if our projects fall and we stare awake at night wondering why we are here, simply being here will shape things differently than if the Peace Corps was not here at all. Let's just hope its remains for the better.

Adell said...

Hello darling,

It is wonderful to read your beautiful prose -- how well it captures the mind. It's singular job is to oppose the preceding thought.

I admire you more than I could ever express. You are my shero.

Jay sends love and kisses. He says to tell you that the "Sinead O'Connor Prayer" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pijEuEjp9Jo) really works!

I think of you weekly, and I miss being in your presence. I am back fiddling on the computer after a long, long reprieve. So, good, so good to touch you.

Love.