Change, a Six Letter Word

There is a lot of paperwork to submit when applying for a Peace Corps Volunteer. It takes time to process the paperwork. There are always more requests than there are volunteers. The Peace Corps matches volunteer expertise with organizational needs. The organizations want help. Some get what they asked for – at least the volunteer, but sometimes they don’t get the help they think they need. They may need to change their thinking.

There is a lot of paperwork required to join Peace Corps. A very large percentage of applicants give up, some are rejected and others were just exploring. It takes tenacity, patience and up to a year to get an invitation. After I signed the paperwork and left for my new country I realized the need to continue practicing tenacity and patience. I need to change my expectations.

You may wonder, “If Peace Corps has been in Saint Lucia since 1962, why are they still needed?” I sometimes wonder that too. But there is good reason. Change is slow. Change is frustrating. People don’t understand it or necessarily want to change. They want help, but many times they don’t know what “help” means. And Peace Corps Volunteers are adjusting to change too.

Then you may ask, “Why wouldn’t they want to change?” Okay, that’s just too complex to answer. It’s likely some of the same reasons why people in the United States, Europe, and anywhere else in the world don’t change. It’s likely the same reasons why it’s hard for me to change.

Yesterday was very frustrating. When I offered a different way to do something, I was told they needed to do it the way Saint Lucia does things. “Why?” I asked. The answer was more frustrating than the assertion that they needed to do it the Saint Lucian way. The answer is, “Because that’s the way we do it”. Wow! I realized at that moment that I needed to change in order to move them to change.

When the situation seems hopeless it becomes easier to look at things in a different manner. So why am I frustrated when people around me behave in a similar manner? Okay, I’m at the bottom. It’s totally hopeless. I’m going to do things different. To start, I'm taking the Alcoholic prayer a lot more seriously now: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Okay, I said it. I’m not feeling great yet, but maybe better.

Another volunteer from the group who arrived ahead of us called last night. He will be closing his service in about four months. I asked him if he was going to extend. He was quick with his answer, “No! I don’t feel like I’m making any difference. People don’t want to change”

As I responded to this, I thought of my own situation and listened to my words. “Change is difficult. We are here because it’s hard. Change is sometimes about timing. Don’t focus on the big picture of change; take the small successes you have and celebrate them. You have made a difference. It’s those small sustainable successes that add up.” As I listened to my words, I could hear how empty they sounded on the other end of the phone. We want to see breakthrough change, but truthfully, breakthrough change rarely happens. Change happens slowly in a series of small steps.

I’ve experienced a lot of emotions since arriving on this island. Today, I’m feeling hopeful and lucky to be here today, but it’s not always like that. As I reflect on my emotional roller coaster since August 2007 when I decided to apply for Peace Corps I have to smile.

• I feel anxious. Am I going to get an invitation to serve?
• I am having second thoughts. Oh no! They accepted me. Do I really want to go?
• I am excited to leave.
• I’m sad to leave.
• I am having second thoughts. Am I doing the right thing?
• I feel good about my decision. This is so right for me.
• I love it here.
• I hate it here.
• It’s hard to live with a host family.
• It’s good to live with a host family.
• I am fearful. Can I really get on this bus and not get lost?
• I feel exhilarated! I can get on the bus and get to a destination on my own.
• I’m relieved. Training is over and my service begins now.
• I’m settling in. I have my own place. I can live my way now.
• I’m excited about the work.
• I’m bored. I don’t have enough to do.
• I’m aggressive in finding work.
• I’m overwhelmed with work; some commitments should not have made; I need to undo some of them.
• My primary assignment is fun.
• My primary assignment is frustrating.
• I hate my primary assignment.
• I'm going to actively search for more secondary work.
  
• I love my primary assignment.
• I don't have enough time for more secondary work.
  
• I’m frustrated. People don’t want to hear about other ways of doing things.
• I celebrate small successes.
• I love being here.
• I hate being here.
• Why am I here?
• I can't imagine my life without doing Peace Corps.
• I daydream about my life before Peace Corps.
• I never want to leave this island. I am so happy.
• I have island fever and need a vacation.
• I hate this job.
• I love this job.

I think they should change this six letter word, change, into one of the more descriptive four letter words I use to describe it! I say out loud "Egad, I love this job!". Sometimes I mean it while other times, I imagine myself wearing red sparkling shoes and clicking my heels three times.