The mail comes fairly early. I sort through it, first discarding all the annoying flyers, ads and assorted junk mail that few pay attention to and most will immediately toss into the recycle. Not a single consideration goes into any of this untidy paper, including the expensive glossy color ads which tempt the reader with enticing phrases such as “one day only sale”, or “going out of business” or “half off”. Let’s be real for a moment; the only useful purpose this paper serves is to keep my dear Letter Carrier, Steve, employed. For that, I am grateful.
The only other thing that comes with any regularity is a few bills. Among the bills on this day is the Property Tax. Looking for a due date, I scan the contents of the envelope when I notice the amount is about $150 over the usual number. That makes me take a closer look. Have you ever looked at one of these bills? Well, I haven’t. I’ve always been too busy. I’m a good soldier. It comes, I pay. Now, for the first time since my mid-twenties, I have no job or structure and therefore, I’m up for a time-consuming challenge that has no value but even with a null result, I know I will achieve a feeling of satisfaction that I completed the task.
I examined the details of the tax assessment. I understand why I’m paying for County Parks, Trauma and Emergency Services, the Fire Department and Libraries. I’m not sure how they arrive at the numbers, but, it doesn’t matter because there are bigger mysteries to uncover in this bill. With cell phone in hand, I set out to get to the bottom of a bill I have always blindly paid – and will again pay – it’s just this time I want to know what my money is supporting and most important, I want to know WIIFM (a business term for What’s In It For Me).
I looked closer at the bill to discover a section of “Voted Indebtedness”. This is the part where ‘we stick it to ourselves’. It includes $4.01 for the Metro Water District. I have no idea why they are getting this money, but I think it’s safe to bet that sometime in the not-so-distant past the majority of voters thought it would be a fine idea to give the Metro Water District this money. I’m sure it’s going to some bureaucratic nightmare that won’t ever do me any good but will likely line some executive bureaucrat’s pocket.
There is a charge for $43.70 charge for Community College. This is alright as I worked at Los Angeles Harbor College and they needed the bond that is bringing this minority college (among other community colleges) up to date. I remember voting for this one.
There is a $202.67 charge for the Los Angeles Unified Schools – a charge that I am sure will be squandered while raising bureaucratic ego’s into the stratosphere while we watch drop-out rates sour. I distinctly remember voting against this nonsense. My son said this amount will continue to increase.
Other entries on the bill are intriguing. I must have missed the class that taught what WB MWD STDBY CHG means because there is nothing on the bill that tells me. I can only assume I’m in a small minority of people who was absent that day. So I called to find out. It is the Western Basin Municipal Water District Standby Charge. So what do I get for this? I get recycled non-potable water. I tried to find out what that means to no avail, although the woman said that farmers might be using the recycled water. Right, all the Los Angeles farmers – wait, where are all these farmers? I don’t see any farmers in Los Angeles. I’m a little curious about this recycled non-potable water because Orange County is recycling toilet water into drinking water. They said they are going to get back to me on this one.
Who would know that LACO VECTR CNTRL is a pest control administration organization tasked to administer costs for another organization to get rid of mosquitoes. Huh? Doesn’t that sound like we have one too many organizations in the pest control fight! I never knew these pests were a problem in the arid community of Los Angeles, but maybe that $7.25 is well spent. I asked them how they get rid of the mosquitoes and when the last time they were in my neighborhood, but they aren’t returning my phone calls.
I found that the Sanitation District charges me $135.00 to treat my water. I asked what they were putting in it but they didn’t know. That makes me wonder what they really know.
I pay a fee for Flood Control. I wasn’t aware we had a flooding problem in Los Angeles, but I found out this fee pays to keep our dams, catch basins and channels clear. I guess they forget about the one in my neighborhood – you know, the one with old shopping carts and trash building up in it. The woman from Flood Control suggested the citizens should be responsible for this. Huh?
There were several numbers that I had to call to get information. After piecing the data together, this is what I believe I am paying for: the reason we need the Pest Control people is because the Flood Control people aren’t cleaning out the drains and thus they build a supply of non-potable stagnant water which is ripe for mosquitoes. After the water is sprayed for mosquitoes by the Pest Control people and then deemed non-potable by the Water Basin people, the Sanitation District treats the water and it is then turned into recycled drinking water. . . or they just give it to the vast amount of Los Angeles farmers . . . take your pick.
Ah, another productive day.
1 comment:
Hahahehe. You need a job.
Post a Comment