The Little Engine that Did

Amy is someone I have connected with though my blog. She is thinking about Peace Corps and has questions. She asks, “On the days that you don't like the Peace Corps, is there something in particular that bothers you; loneliness or something dysfunctional within the Peace Corps system?” It was an interesting question that I explored before answering.
“Why on earth did I undertake something like this?”

Training was most difficult. Living with a family, learning the public bus system, being handed my lunch by my host "mom", and given a Peace Corps allowance of $2 a day was humbling.

Adjusting to being away from my family was difficult. I was exhausted, physically and mentally. I had more difficult days than good days during these weeks.

There is something to be said for stubbornness. There is no way I would have thrown in the towel. It was my decision and I was committed. I was also convinced it would get better…and it did, as you will read.

For me, training was the most difficult period of adjustment - HANDS DOWN! But, we as a group, got through it - it's just part of the process. We went through an experience together and people are seen at their best and at their worst. Difficult situations present the opportunity for bonding.

"Can I make a difference?” Is this right for me?"

The first year I began an exploration to find my footing. At times I felt I wasn't doing enough. Other times, I felt crushed by the bureaucracy of the Peace Corps, something I hadn't considered when I applied to be a volunteer. I am living in a foreign country and adjusting and assimilating into a new life and it is difficult. Many times, I felt like I was pushing a long heavy rope up a steep ever-inclining dusty hill.

I was beginning to develop relationships with people on the island and was doing everything I could to explore and understand the values of Saint Lucian people. I was also beginning to see the politics within the organization. There was no definition, agreement or vision of the work they wanted. My primary assignment didn't work out, which happens.

I spent far more time during my first year with fellow-volunteers than I do now. There were times when I felt like I was wasting my time, getting older and wasn't doing what I came here to do.

At this time, and unknowingly, I started to make friends with people who would become my collaborators and friends, the ones I work with, count on and love. I continued up the steady incline pushing that rope during my first year.

It is here when I began to understand why Peace Corps preached “flexibility” ad nausea during the applicant and training stages to become a volunteer. The good days far outweighed the bad days. Flexibility and determination pulled me through it; that and using my past experience to create meaningful work when there is none.


"I am ready to get back to familiar surroundings."

I’m in my second year with a great assignment and working with wonderful people. I have plenty to do - more than I can do and must say "no" more often than "yes". Generally I’m living the dream I had envisioned. People are now pulling my long heavy rope for me. I am over the hill and being pulled to the finish line. There are times, however very rare, that I have a bad day.

During those times, I want to get into my car, turn on the air-conditioner, use my GPS to get to new places, visit my mountain home, go to a family Sunday dinner, see my granddaughter's Christmas play, go to the gym and spa, take my dog to the dog park, teach a college course or two, travel and generally enjoy the retirement I worked so damn hard to get.

It gets lonely in a small village, even though I've made friends and many times I have more people around than I'd like. At times I become lonely for people that share my history, culture, attitudes, values and beliefs.

Then something great happens - usually something really small and I’m pulled back onto my path.

“I want the best of both worlds.”

It is unthinkable to consider my last day with the children I am trying to help. I am sad to think of leaving the friends I have made, both Peace Corps and Saint Lucians. It is regretful that I will likely leave before really getting to know the newest group of Peace Corps Volunteers who just arrived on Valentines Day. It will be difficult to leave an environment where there is so much natural beauty. I want to pack all that up and take it home with me.

The good days WAY out-number the bad days! Actually I can't remember my last bad day, although I do hold my breath as I walk alongside the sewer in 85 degree heat.

Time is moving fast. I took the day off recently and met PC friends in the north. We had lunch on the beach and then went swimming in the Caribbean. What an amazing way to spend a few hours.

I have incredibly interesting work right now. I'm doing case studies on the after-school children, developing several full-day workshops, I tutor the children across the street, I give private lessons on Microsoft Office two days a week to a young woman who wants to learn how to use the computer. I teach Junior Achievement at the primary school.


Recently, I participated in a panel discussion for the new volunteers. One of the questions asked during the discussion was, “Would you do it again?” My answer is simple. My life is full and I am happy. When I reflect back at what I’ve done and how far I’ve come to get here, I have no regrets. I would do it all over again. Was it difficult? Absolutely. Is it worth it? Oh yes.


After the discussion, I was talking with a couple of the new volunteers and I compared the emotional process to the story of the “Little Engine that Could”.

My first year was spent with the mantra, “I think I can, I think I can” and then, the second year came and I’m speeding down the hill singing, “I knew I could, I knew I could”.

One of the things I love most about this blog is the people I have met because of it. I’m grateful Amy asked this question as it gave me time to pause and reflect on my answer.